Step 2…insane in the membrane


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“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

I will divide the next posts into two sections:  Sanity and Higher Power.

Sanity: noun; the ability to think and behave in a normal and rational manner; sound mental health.

When I think of sanity or the lack thereof, I often look it as two extremes, the “normal” and the “crazies.”  This is dualist thinking at its worst.  I have areas of my life where I am normal to the point of being boring.  I have some eccentricities, the spice of life.  And I have some areas where I am downright dysfunctional.

One of the areas in which I am dysfunctional and/or insane is around the area off food and nutrition.  Normal eating I would characterize as eating when you are hungry and stopping when you are full, on occasion indulging on some delicious but not necessarily nutritious food.

That is not how I typically ate.  My typical eating pattern was skipping breakfast, but drinking 4-6 cups of coffee with hundreds of calories of powdered creamer in each cup.  For lunch, I would go out to eat and have a full restaurant meal or fast food.  I would liberally snack on treats and vending machine foods in the afternoon.  When I got home, I ate dinner.  Dinner was more-or-less an appetizer for the rest of the evenings eating.  I would watch 3-4 hours of TV and graze the whole time.  Weekends, I would eat out many times and binge on cookies, cake or ice cream.  I was never hungry.  I never allowed enough time to lapse between eating to ever develop hunger.

In addition to these awful eating habits, I would with some regularity have problems sleeping.  I would go downstairs and binge.  I was fully aware of what I was doing.  I consciously thought this is bad for my body, but I would continue eating anyway.  Whole packages of snacks and cookies would be devoured right before going to bed.

Consciously knowing what I was doing was wrong and bad for me and yet doing it anyway is my definition of insanity.  The fact that I was fully aware of what I was doing, didn’t want to do it and doing it anyway made me realize that I was beyond helping myself.  I need a power greater than myself to stop.

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