Deep inside of me there is a black hole. It is a malevolent mass of pure evil. Were it to be freed, I might be capable of doing unthinkable things.
Usually, it is under wraps. It is buried so deeply in my psyche, that under normal circumstances, I cannot even access it. But under prolonged stress, like the last 5 months, it bubbles up close to the surface.
I don’t have to say or do anything. But the people around me know it’s there and can sense its presence. My boss, my wife and my kid have all seen it. I am sure it raises the hairs on the back of their necks. My hands shake, my teeth are clenched and I am barely able to speak.
It scares me that there is something so negative inside of me. I feel out of control when it surfaces. I am able to control my actions, but just barely.
I have a lot of compassion for those who find themselves in the criminal justice system. I know that given the wrong set of circumstances, I too could be in their shoes.