It is scary how paralyzed you can be when depression has you in its grip.  I have been mostly off the radar the last week or so because it was all I could do to just function at work and home.  At last, the cloud has lifted.


I wish I understood depression.  I don’t.  Though it sometimes has a trigger in the real world, sometimes it just grabs you by the throat and sucks the life from you.  I know that some of it is stress related.  I went for a good 15 years without any significant episodes.  Then 7 years ago BAM it was back with a vengeance.


It is such a destructive force.  It feels like you are the center of the universe, but utterly alone.  God is nonexistent.  I have no friends.  My family is just there because they have no where else to go.  My coworkers hate me.  My boss is going to fire me.  I am going to be homeless and alone.  I know that the world is not about ME, but for the life of me I have no clue how to stop “it” once it starts.  Thankfully it usually abates after a week or so.  The paranoia stops, and life is good again.


So I am back in my right mind.  Thanks for checking up on me.


2 comments on “Depression

  1. been there. done that. have the t-shirt (and prescription slips) to prove it.

    thanks for sharing your heart… right there with you, ben!

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