It is scary how paralyzed you can be when depression has you in its grip. I have been mostly off the radar the last week or so because it was all I could do to just function at work and home. At last, the cloud has lifted.
I wish I understood depression. I don’t. Though it sometimes has a trigger in the real world, sometimes it just grabs you by the throat and sucks the life from you. I know that some of it is stress related. I went for a good 15 years without any significant episodes. Then 7 years ago BAM it was back with a vengeance.
It is such a destructive force. It feels like you are the center of the universe, but utterly alone. God is nonexistent. I have no friends. My family is just there because they have no where else to go. My coworkers hate me. My boss is going to fire me. I am going to be homeless and alone. I know that the world is not about ME, but for the life of me I have no clue how to stop “it” once it starts. Thankfully it usually abates after a week or so. The paranoia stops, and life is good again.
So I am back in my right mind. Thanks for checking up on me.