So yesterday afternoon we were going to celebrate Jenn’s birthday since on her real B-day we are going to be at the clinic all day. Then we remembered, we had a membership meeting that we had to attend at our new church. Normally, I would not have rushed into membership. But since Jenn is on staff, I figured it was probably a good move.
Now this was a 4 hour class, but it was not the first class. We had attended an 8 hour class a month prior. Now we had a class at my old church. It was 4 hours and I thought it was a bit much, but this takes the cake. The funny thing is: we are transferring our membership. It is not like we just converted or something. But we passed.
It does not really mean I am any more fit for church membership than the average schlub. It just means I have an iron butt capable of sitting for hours on end.
Blessed are the big butt’ed for they shall achieve membership.
At one point I had to tone down my rhetoric. I have been in the church all of my life, went to a Bi-eyeballCollege, and served on every committee ever conceived by man or beast. I know church jargon and can vomit forth platitudes on demand. The leader got this far off weepy mystical look whenever I answered a question. It was like a pit bull looking at a pork chop. In my head I was thinking, “Oh bless her heart, she does not have a clue at how cynical and jaded I am.” Any semblance of sincerity was lost the day I first dilated my kid. (don’t ask…YOU REALLY DO NOT WANT TO KNOW).
So now I can join. I will get my Methodist Express Card. I am qualified to make a casserole.