12 Hours to Membership


So yesterday afternoon we were going to celebrate Jenn’s birthday since on her real B-day we are going to be at the clinic all day.  Then we remembered, we had a membership meeting that we had to attend at our new church.  Normally, I would not have rushed into membership.  But since Jenn is on staff, I figured it was probably a good move.


Now this was a 4 hour class, but it was not the first class.  We had attended an 8 hour class a month prior.  Now we had a class at my old church.  It was 4 hours and I thought it was a bit much, but this takes the cake.  The funny thing is: we are transferring our membership.  It is not like we just converted or something.  But we passed.


It does not really mean I am any more fit for church membership than the average schlub.  It just means I have an iron butt capable of sitting for hours on end.


Blessed are the big butt’ed for they shall achieve membership.


At one point I had to tone down my rhetoric.  I have been in the church all of my life, went to a Bi-eyeballCollege, and served on every committee ever conceived by man or beast.  I know church jargon and can vomit forth platitudes on demand.  The leader got this far off weepy mystical look whenever I answered a question.  It was like a pit bull looking at a pork chop.  In my head I was thinking, “Oh bless her heart, she does not have a clue at how cynical and jaded I am.”  Any semblance of sincerity was lost the day I first dilated my kid.  (don’t ask…YOU REALLY DO NOT WANT TO KNOW).


So now I can join.  I will get my Methodist Express Card.  I am qualified to make a casserole.


3 comments on “12 Hours to Membership

  1. Yeah…..I totally agree that once you “dilate” your kid, you’ll never be the same.

    Bummer about the birthday thing- that is why we did Emma’s upper GI this morning and not on Wednesday, my husband’s birthday. Her 2nd redo PSARP was on my dad’s birthday last year and her 3rd PSARP with Dr.Levitt was on my parent’s wedding anniversary this past February. I have a knack of getting things scheduled on my parent’s important days and missing out on things LOL

  2. I kind of understand their goal, but the method punishes real prospective members.

    Methodist Churches are famous for having huge membership roles and small weekly congragations. Churches pay what amounts to a “tax” to their district/region based on their membership. Ideally, you want a large attending congregation but a small membership role.

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