Grading my faithfulness…


So…Yesterday…is over for now. 

 

Ethan was scheduled for an MRI at 10:30.  Since kids cannot sit still long enough for the test, they have to be given general anesthesia.  So they wanted us to show up at 9:00 to do all the paperwork and pre-op stuff.  We left the house a little after 7.  It normally takes about an hour to get there if traffic is good.  It was not.  Then we got lost….yada yada 9:45.  They were done with the pre-op by 10:30, but we had lost our place in the queue.  He finally got in at 12:15.  The MRI took two hours and then it took another hour to get him awake enough to get a hip x-ray.  Long story short, we missed our clinic appointment.  We have to go back June 3rd, Jenn’s birthday.  L

 

Overall the day was stressful, but I managed to keep my cool. 

 

I did have the following unfortunate event occur.  After the MRI, we went to the waiting room for x-ray.  When we entered the room, there was a lady going off at the receptionists.  She then paced the waiting room yelling comments the whole time.  Her son was in a wheel chair, her daughter was running around.  She ranted for about 10 minutes until she was finally called back.

 

Though it would have been completely inappropriate, I wanted to go give her a hug.  You see, I have been her.  There is only so much stress people can endure until they snap.  It is an ugly place that no one should have to explore.  When Ethan was 1 and a half, I had reached my breaking point.  While I was civil at home, I was a tyrant at work.  I would flip out at the smallest thing and berate anyone I deemed stupid.  I should have been fired.  And at least 3 directors had asked for my head.  But my boss’s boss steadfastly refused. 

 

I later got help.  And I am dealing with my anger for productively.  But when I saw that woman, my heart ached.  There is just something fundamentally wrong with a world where some people are sent through the meat grinder and others just sail through.  Though religion can give you some insight, it is not always helpful to those in crisis.  It is like explaining to a person who is drowning that they are dying because of the water in their lungs.  Gee thanks for the explanation.

 

Were I a better person, I would know how to reach out to others in crisis.  You would think having gone through something like that, I would have some answers.  But really, I am not sure what anyone could have done for me when I was in that situation.  I am extremely understanding, when my staff have issues at home.  But reaching out to a total stranger, that is a skill set I do not yet possess.

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One comment on “Grading my faithfulness…

  1. I will quite stalking your blog, I promise – but Becca gave the address to me and told me I would find it encouraging. I sure do. What you said about some people just sailing through – yes, yes, and yes. And I get so frustrated trying to rationalize it all in my head – why I have to stick tubes and catheters everywhere on my kid and so and so doesn’t. And then I start to think, “Well, maybe so and so has some dark secret that I don’t know about.” But then I think that they probably don’t, that they just have it easy.

    Then when I have those thoughts I start to feel like an evil person. And then the self-deprecation starts all over again.

    Anyway, love to read your thoughts.

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