What is going on with this bag of mostly water and carbon?

I have not had an epiphany lately. Life is going pretty well for the most part. I am still ambivalent about faith. I am still going through the motions, but it is mostly reflexive. I still mostly believe in God, but I am not sure how convinced I am that he is personal. I find the idea that anyone really knows what God is thinking distasteful to say the least. It is my observation that the moment a person thinks they know what God is thinking, they start acting in some very unchristian, unMuslim, unhindu or unUFO ways. If there is something beyond this life I am convinced our first thought will be how utterly stupid we are. Enough on that topic.

I have picked up a few new hobbies lately. I have really gotten into growing plants. My little office plant that I inherited a year ago is now a towering monster. It keeps saying, “feed me Seymour.” I have also been growing sprouts in my front window. Ethan and I planted some flower seeds, thyme and sunflowers. There is something satisfying about putting seeds in the soil and getting something beautiful in exchange.

My sister just came out with her son. She has taken up knitting and was making mittens. I asked her why she took it up, she said to relieve stress. She asked if I wanted to learn and I said yes. I have been knitting up a storm since. It really does relieve stress. I told Jenn I could knit her a wool negligee. She was not enthusiastic.

I am a little sleep deprived today. We kicked my son out of the family bed. He was not thrilled to say the least. This was way way way overdue, but I rarely address issues before they drive me to the edge of insanity.

Speaking of Ethan, he turned 6 yesterday. I am not sure I can put into words how lucky I feel. He is truly the joy of my life. He had a party on Saturday. He had a ball with all his little friends and his cousin. The big gift for this B-day was a bicycle. He has a little trouble peddling, but I think his PT will help us with a shoe clip. But the bike was not his favorite present. His favorites were new crayons, 2 reams of paper, and a singing monkey that is driving me crazy. (Judy payback is coming when it is Dan’s b-day…can you say bagpipes?) Tuesday is the last day of kindergarten. It is weird to think that we are a third of the way through his childhood. Kids are the best.

Work is work. I still occasionally want to torture coworkers, but for the most part, I show restraint.

I am quickly approaching the big 40. Kind of weird to think my life is more than half over. I like being this age. I am really comfortable in my own skin. I don’t really feel obligated to impress people anymore. I have finally come to the realization that I cannot be all things to all people. I have a great family and good friends. Really what else matters?

There are things I would like to accomplish in Ben part II. I just can’t think of any at the moment.

Peace out.

By Ben Posted in Life

6 comments on “What is going on with this bag of mostly water and carbon?

  1. Good to hear from you, Ben. Sounds like you have a lot of blessings in your life,like a green thumb. I am green with envy. I kill plants or cause “failure to thrive”. That sounds better!

  2. You’ll be 40 soon? I’ll be 49 in September. But we won’t be old until we want quiet, soothing music all the time.

    Rock on.

  3. I am glad to read that Ethan had fun!! he is such a joy and a blessind. You are too! Maybe in my future there will be a man of your character for me…he he. Love ya!

  4. Happy birthday s all around.

    Isn’t it nice when you come to realize you don’t have to impress anyone? That moment came to me one night while I listened to the rain. Of course, it inspired a song…

    “Let the rain wash over me
    Before I turn to dust
    Although my dreams may rust and crumble
    I’ll hold them anyway
    Let the rain wash over me
    Just like my tears
    Trace over the years
    Gently etched upon my face
    And it feels so good
    Not having to impress anyone
    It feels so good
    Just being here
    It feels so good
    Knowing I can be strong enough
    To face my fears”



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