Transcendence


Lately, I have been in a really good mood. Though work has been a bear, the rest of my life has been chugging along. Two thing specifically has raise my spirits:

1.) Ethan is no longer allergic to dairy. When you consider that milk or whey are in almost everything we consume, it is a huge weight off of our shoulders. For the first time ever, we are able to all eat the same thing at dinner time.

2.) We can now manage Ethan’s system well enough that he can wear underwear. This is a huge Huge HUGE relief.

One thing remains to have the happiness Trifecta, my spiritual life. I have really been struggling with doubt. I am going to church, but that is about it. I occasionally read the bible, but I am not involved at my church on any level. I purposely avoid shaking the pastor’s hand because I know he will ask how it is going and I am a terrible liar.

I miss the feeling of transcendence. When I was in the Pentecostal church, every week I had some emotionally cathartic experience that recharged my batteries. Looking back, much of it was just emotional manipulation. But there was a sense that you were outside of the everyday and in another mode of consciousness. I hate being manipulated, but I miss the feeling that there is something bigger than me. I need the smells and bells to take me away from the mundane.

Oh well 2 outta 3 ain’t bad.

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By Ben Posted in Life

4 comments on “Transcendence

  1. I know what you mean about the feeling of transcendence. I think that when our initial Christian experience is one that tends to equate emotional hooplah with spiritual growth, it feels flat if we leave that tradition. It’s like we need to re-learn what it means to be on the “spiritual mountaintop”… it’s no longer the every-other-week-altar-call, or speaking-in-our-“personal-prayer-language”, or whatever. I’m not saying that those things in and of themselves are bad, but for those of us who have chosen to leave Pentecostalism, we need to find a new way to measure our spiritual life.

  2. It’s interesting that you mention this. This is how I have been feeling again as of late. It has seemed as if the faith has become more of a head exercise. It’s such a struggle. I wish I had the answer. Just hang in there. Even though we’ve never met, I do appreciate your integrity and honesty in sharing your journey.

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