I am going away for the weekend.  I need a day of no work and no Blackberry.  I was going to leave it at home, but I just found out my Grandmother broke her hip.  At 89, I am pretty sure that is a death sentence.  So I have to be “available” for “the call.”


I was in a training class today.  When I got back to my desk, I had 98 emails.  My brain just hurts.  I am toying with the idea of changing back to being a simple test engineer.   No meetings, no employees, no managers, no directors.  Just me a PC and a test plan.


I am just tired.  I like my job, but sometimes the grind just wares on me.  I am tired of making decision.  I want to be assimilated.  I want someone else to think for me.  I want to believe the propaganda.  I want to believe the ice caps melting is a fluke.  I want to believe everything is going to be OK.  I want to think the medical community knows what they are doing.  I want to believe the insurance is going to pay the bills.  I want to believe our leaders are more intelligent than I am.  I want people to say they are well instead of great.


I just want to see something green.

By Ben Posted in Life

10 comments on “Tired

  1. I agree. I want to take a step backwards & let someone else make the decisions for me.

    As to seeing something green? *hands been a booger*. Enjoy.


  2. If it’ll make it past airport security Saturday, I’ll bring you a sprig from a redwood tree. 🙂 Have a great few days off, and give me a call on my cell on Sunday when you’re ready to see people again! Enjoy the family time!

  3. Why do we struggle? Why do we allow stress to define our experience in life? Why do those experiences cause us stress?

    I don’t follow any particular religion, but it seems to me that “faith” is that which reminds us to see that all paths lead “home”. What ever that means to whom ever reads it.

    This is true because, we are “home”. God is within us as “he” is within all of creation. Even the stressful moments.

    I think stress is created when our “Ideal” concept of a thing meets “reality”.
    Somewhere in the turbulent eddy created, we live.

    Something my father taught me when I was a little girl…

    “Never turn your back on the ocean. It is always changing. If you do get caught in a rip tide, relax and swim out, away from shore, until you find calm water, then come back in again.”

    (I’ve had occasion to use his advice.)

    There’s a lot of “green” out there.


  4. Taking time away is a great idea–hope it’s enough. (If not, take more ASAP.) My 88-year-old grandmother broke the second of two hips two years ago and is today a 90-year-old bionic woman with an artificial hip who gets around without a walker. Pretty amazing; but your grandmother mileage may vary, I dunno. I’ll shoot a Methodist prayer heavenward from the West Coast. Our prayers are 99.75 % pure according to recent surveys. Or maybe that was Ivory Soap.

    All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. (Repeat until you look like Jack Nicholson.)

  5. Such angst! Well, this is absolutely no reflection on you, but there was a famous non-fiction book years ago called “The Peter Principle.” Basically, it explained the folly of corporate promotion practices. I don’t know about your company, but if it follows the Peter Principle (named for Dr. Lawrence Peter, I think) then they take the best engineers and make managers out of them. Your skill as an engineer predicts little regarding your potential as a manager. So they quite often take people away from what they do best and promote them to jobs that they are not trained for, or do not have the personality for, etc.

    If your angst is temporary, then go with it. It’s probably normal. But, if it persists, then you might consider moving to a job that is more appealing to you. This will require effort on your part, as corporations generally will not do this. You will either move up in management or administration, move to a lateral position of no consequence, or stagnate in your current position. Of course, layoffs are another real possiblity in today’s economy. Go where you are most productive and most satisfied. Maybe even with another company. The extra money is not worth the misery, and you can find engineering jobs with a wide range of pay scales, I bet. I’m with Mark, though. Don’t make any important decisions until you’ve had a few days of rest away from work and discussed things with your wife, and perhaps, even your supervisor (if your buds.)


    That’s the best I can do without rich text formatting. d:c)

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