Rantings of a mad man

So my wife finished a half marathon this weekend and she is training to run a full marathon in March.  This is no small accomplishment, but is even greater when you consider she had never run more than a mile at one time prior to May.  She looks like a different person.  I could not be prouder.

Ethan and I had an interesting weekend at home.  The gas company apparently put too much of the additive to make natural gas smell in the line.


We had the fire department out twice and the gas company twice before they confirmed that we did not have a leak.  It was just so strong that every time the hot water heater came on, the whole house stunk.  Grumble grumble.

Not much else happening…missed church…well didn’t really miss it, but I was absent because of the gas leak.

Ethan starts kindergarten today.  But we already met with his teacher twice so first day seems rather anticlimactic. 

Oh…one of my friends at work resigned today.  He was from Australia and did not appreciate my Steve Irwin impersonation.  Oh well, that is me Mr. Insensitive.  Why couldn’t it have been the Wiggles?  Why?  I mean really Captain Feathersword is a pirate.  Why doesn’t he ever run his sword through someone?  Jeff is always asleep. Just cut off his friggin’ head of already.

Wake up Jeff…we cut your stupid head off
Wake up Jeff…you really are screwed
Wake up Jeff…you lazy f’in bastard
Wake up Jeff…we wrote you off the show

They could do a special on it, staring Meredith Baxter Burney.  “A Very Special Wiggles.”  “Hey kids…we are sorry to tell you that the actor Jeff Phatt asked for a raise and so we had to kill Jeff Wiggle, the character.  But the show must go on…no biggie…it is not like he ever sung or anything…and who likes purple anyway.  Here is Doug, he wears orange and has the catch phrase ‘git git goo’”

Dorothy the dinosaur better kiss my ever-loving butt if she knows what is good for her.

…wow…that came out of no where…too much caffeine… bye bye for now.

By Ben Posted in Life

8 comments on “Rantings of a mad man

  1. That’s the best Wiggles blog I’ve ever read. Agreed on every count. Leave it to Ben to offend an entire nation with Steve Irwin impersonations 🙂

    We’re so proud of you! Keep up the good work.


  2. Does the gas number work in CA, too? If I smell Brian’s gas, should I call? couldn’t resist the obvious joke… sorry. The guy didn’t actually resign because of your impression, did he? If so, that’s pretty uptight!

  3. Stop at the reef,
    Look both ways,
    Look both ways again!
    Wait for the stingray
    To come to a stop
    And push the barb in your friend!

  4. Judi, the two like my train of thought are totally unrelated. He quit and he thinks I am an ass. I still find it funny of all the things that could kill him it was a stingray. I mean who are we kidding, he was not going to die of natural causes.

    I think I will probably be killed by an irrate muppet, probably Beaker.

  5. I think you should put up a video of your Steve Irwin impression. I mean, he cried out to be imitated. Tell him imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I’m still torn up about the loss my self. I can’t imagine how bad it would be if we lost one of the wiggles. What the hell is a wiggle anyway? sounds like one more reason I am glad we don’t watch TV. Anybody with a name like Captain Feathersword would be more worried about getting blood on his loafers, than raping and pillaging. Bruce’s favorite color was purple, there was definitely something wrong about him.

    I’d pay a dollar to see Dorothy the dinosaur pucker up on your rear end. But I thought the dinosaur’s name was Barney. Maybe you could get one on each cheek.

  6. Of course, I too would have been offended by your careless impersonations of the genius that was Steve Irwin…I would have been offended up until the moment I burst in to tears laughing! Much like your impersonation of your mother singing Billy Squire, I’m sure it would be awful and yet unbelievably hilarious!

    In all seriousness, I actually found myself a bit sad yesterday after I found out he was dead. My kids and I have spent HOURS watching that guy! But of course, he could have never died in a rocking chair singing love songs to his great-grandchildren…it’s just not the kind of guy he was!

  7. Zac hates the Wiggles now. He’s says they’re “for babies”. So there! At least it’s not Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper Force Go. That show’ll make you lose IQ points.

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