Today I am doing one of my least favorite tasks associate with my job. I have to participate in a review that is predominately critical. I know this is going to go badly because I gave this individual a review a couple of weeks agoâ€¦it was not pretty. Todayâ€™s review I am only a participant not the primary reviewer, not that it makes it much easier. It is just never easy giving bad news.
It is funny, if this individual had heeded her first warning and kept quiet, this meeting would not be taking place. But instead of taking the feedback, she decided to mount a defense it has escalated into a big production. She thought my last review was biased and that I was the only one in the organization who thought she was not working up to standard. Now she has forced HRs hand and multiple managers are going to give her feedback. I fear that ultimately, I may be tasked with letting her go.
Funny thing is I think this is the human condition in microcosm. We never want to think that we are less than perfect. Everyone else is inept, but I am fabulous. And because we rarely face our inadequacies, we compound the problem. I am convinced that most of lifeâ€™s major crises arise from simple problems left unchecked (you donâ€™t spend $2 on caulk and you end up spending $2000 to replace wood rot).
I am not immune from this. I like to think I am open mined about my faults, but if you hit the wrong nerve, watch out. I really want to address my shortcomings, but really I wonder if I have the self esteem to handle real criticism. I really miss having personal contact with a *best* friend (my definition of best friend is someone who will tell you to your face that you are full of shit and then take you out for a beer). I have had one for most of my life. But in Virginia, I have not been able to achieve that level of connectedness with a friend. The internet is a decent enough surrogate, but there is no replacement for face to face interaction.
I am rambling againâ€¦Tata.