I just dropped my parents, sister, and nephew off at the airport. Sadly, I am feeling an overwhelming sense of relief. This month is just not the time for house guests. Jenn and I are stressed out beyond belief and my family was just on not â€œwithâ€ us.
Of late, Jenn and I both have had the sense that we are out of synch with the world. Friends, family, coworkers are all there but we are transmitting on a separate frequency. Constant stress feels a bit like grief to me. It is that overwhelming sense of dread that just wonâ€™t go away.
We are waiting for the MRI results, but we already know what they are going to say. Surgery is scheduled for this Friday at 10. What makes it worse is Jennâ€™s birthday is Saturday and we had tickets to the Kennedy Center. Donâ€™t get me wrong, we have our priorities in order, but it kills me that she is going to spend her birthday in the hospital worrying. And there is not a damn thing I can do about it. I have suggested that she go with a friend and I would stay with Ethan, but I know she wonâ€™t.
But all this leads to the feeling that we are not in synch with the world. The normal stuff of life is beyond our grasp for now. I titled this entry -2 Acts because that is kind of how we feel. If Acts 2 is the coming together of diverse peoples of different cultures and languages to for one unit (the Church), the -2 Acts is taking a once cohesive unit and throwing it into chaos to the extent that even people of the same family cannot understand one another.
My parents complained for almost an hour about being sent to the wrong gate on their trip in. They had a 4 hour layover and loads of time to make the correction, but still they griped about it. Normally I would have tuned them out, but yesterday I wanted to shake them and tell them it just didnâ€™t matter. I hate that stress is diminishing my capacity to show compassion. I wanted to enjoy their visit. We see them so infrequently; but it was not to be this time.