My sister emailed me yesterday. We were finalizing plans for her visit over Memorial Day. She is coming out to attend a conference. My mom and nephew are staying with us while she attends the conference and then she will join us after the conference concludes. My dad was not going to come out, but I think my sister â€œguiltedâ€ him into coming at the last minute.
It is weird to me that people can live in the same house and yet be completely different people.
Let me be perfectly clear, I think my dad is a great guy and he was a good father. It is just weird to me that we never quite connected. If we are in the same room, we can carry on a civil conversation and I like â€œrunning errandsâ€ with him. But I see the way other fathers and sons relate and I know I do not have that with my dad.
I feel like I have that connection with my own son. We have things we like to do together. We have inside jokes, hobbies and he comes to me with questions. It is just weird to me that my father and I never had â€œthat.â€ I did, oddly enough, have \”that\” with my Granddad.
I have seen my dad interact with my cousins. They have â€œit.â€ They talk about cars, hunting, and sports. I just sit there smile pleasantly.
I would swear I was left on my doorstep by gypsies if it werenâ€™t for my sister. We are very much alike and she recalls first hand my mom being pregnant and me coming out of the hospital. So a switch seems unlikely.
There is not really a point to this entry, just odd musings. I do not resent my dad. I am mostly ambivalent. It is nice that he is coming. We continue to try to build a relationship as adults. Maybe someday we will get it right.