Random thoughts

My earliest memory is having my hair washed in the kitchen sink when my family lived in Lakewood. It tasted nothing like chicken. Waterbeds are very comfortable. I pulled off Barbie legs. I am a terrible musician. My favorite car was an orange VW bug. If butchered quickly pigs will continue to quiver after being cut into hams. City Park in Fort Collins has pattle boats. Star Wars figures are tasty. F2 is need analysis. Floris is much too big. Bummer was a really nice dog. Agitate the stop bath for 30 seconds. Tripoli is a fun game. Poor Jenny Flugger. Always water the pumpkin. Never tell the RA you were bowling when you wreak of ciggarettes. Seattle is green. Mission springs is very very cold. Richard Sweet had narcolepse. I have a windowed office but I never open the blinds. I almost joined the army and navy.

By Ben Posted in Life

10 comments on “Random thoughts

  1. The Yahoo server always seems slow. And it doesn’t taste like chicken. I have a poodle on my desk. I need coffee. Who is the person that thought up staplers? My armpit itches. I just noticed four rubber-bands on my desk, where did they come from? I wish football season would get here. The office is quiet, nobody is here. I can see more trees out my office window then I can count, very cool. My ear itches. If the post office wasn’t a governement agencey they would be out of business. Will it rain today?

  2. I hate SBC’s tech support. Who ordered the tostada? God bless Don Popineau, but GAWD he misses the point. Marilyn Abplanalp needs to turn down the heat in her car. The chances were miniscule that I’d pause the film just when Dustin Hoffman grabbed Anne Bancroft’s right breast, but I managed it all the same, much to the appalled embarrassment of my class. Evil HR Director has recently taken on a whole new facet I never knew existed. Being ignored pisses me off. Alex has taken to swearing, and not very well, at random hilarious moments. How do you know you have gastric reflux if you’ve always had it? Our canopener is cooler than your canopener. The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here! I like greasy food *way* more than can be explained by physiology. Waste of time?–Are you kidding? C.S. Lewis looked dyspeptic–I think he was Puddleglum. I’ve got two coconuts as well, but I try NOT to bang them together. I like being around people, but I like them not to talk to me. I’ve got more friends online than I do in the real world. Paul Shaeffer was the Theme-Song Guy. What the hell does Capstone Course mean anyway? If they call the cops, he won’t come quietly. Philip Seymour Hoffman didn’t move his face for 2 entire hours. The next time you settle down to watch an award-winning gay cowboy movie, look around you to see if you’re the only one wearing slacks. Saw actual pointy birds this Monday.


  3. Geraldo Rivera is 62, why does that make me feel old? And does he taste like chicken? Guns don’t kill people, bullets kill people. Creamed egg sounds like something my Grandmother would eat, but I still like it. Incompetence is its own reward. Big red vans are fun to drive. I dislike most people but most people like me. Girls are easier than boys when they are young, boys are easier than girls when they get older. I told you I’d shoot, but you didn’t believe me, why didn’t you believe me? 5280 is a very serious place to work. Underwear and stuffed animals are lousy Valentine’s gifts for guys. It doesn’t matter how hard you try, you still can’t lick your elbow. Mothers should never ask their sons to deliver gifts of lingerie to other women. 58 is young to die, but somedays I hope I don’t make it that far. Psychology means never having to say you’re sorry. Knowing that they will grow up and fall in love is way different from living it. If your dog loves duck poop, never ever bend over with him close by, especially with your mouth open. Mice do not make good astronauts.
    Communicating in movie quotes is an art form. Beer smells like piss, looks like piss and tastes like piss, but sometimes you just gotta have one. Somethings about being a kid nowadays really suck. Volkswagens and Fords have a lot in common, keys for example. Wyoming isn’t such a bad place to visit. It’s hard to be cool and say Benson and Hedges Ultra Light Methol 100’s. India really is the other side of the world. I feel in with evil companions, and I had a Wonderful time. Cops don’t look much at muddy vehicles. Women and men really have nothing in common. Even at a young age.

  4. Which is worse: Snape or Umbridge? I’ll bet I’m the only one on Ben’s blog who got that “F2 is Need Analysis”; I wish it were that easy on my system. What does one wear on one’s last day in Hell? Brian sings weird songs at random moments. Where’s my wine? If I keep this up, much longer, I’ll probably end up typing too many swear words and will get thrown off of Ben’s friends list. Farts stink. It’s difficult to type random thoughts when Brian is looking over my shoulder. I want a red stapler. And I might set fire to the building, too. Maybe Milton didn’t have things all wrong after all. There is a serious lack of chocolate in this house. I still can’t find my wine, and I haven’t even drunk any of it yet. Oh, yeah, there it is… I guess *somebody* drank half of my glass before I did… Alex?!? Where are you????

  5. Coffee is the nectar of the gods. I want to go to Thailand. My stapler is black. I still have a stuffed poodle on my desk (a Valentines gift from my wife, I would have rather gotten underwear). If everything taste like chicken, what does chicken taste like? “Excuse me while I whip this out.”

  6. The kitchen fairies missed our house again. So did the laundry gnomes, the vacuuming pixies. If I had an automaton, I’d want it to smile while it worked. Am I the only one on this list who likes tongue sandwiches? It was the best damn toaster struedel Alex had *ever*. Can you spank your monkey at a quickness exceeding the speed of light? Work is wrong on so many levels. Ogres have layers, Tim has layers–who knew? You can’t beat off in the Burnett gang showers. Phil Owens always shows up at the worst time. Sometimes having a washcloth can keep you from being expelled. If tin whistles are made of tin, then what do they make foghorns out of? If you don’t mind, I’ll be skipping the Neil Young documentary. Wouldn’t it be ironic if they gave David Crosby the liver that belonged to Jerry Garcia? It makes me laugh when people are killed by thousand pound yellow umbrellas. I’d probably be going to hell if it weren’t for the grace of God; that and they don’t make handbaskets large enough. I like Spam (the potted meat product–not the email).


  7. A real stuffed poodle would be cool. The Olympics really do nothing for me. Is the United States the only country to compete? Going to Amsterdam to get your MBA seems extreme. Why is angel snot jasmine scented? Do angels snort jasmine? What good is a finger light? Hoberman was yet another inventor with too much time on his hands. I thought his name was beeker. I sure hope dogs go to heaven. The Blue Tick is really an unsung hero. Why are they called grape nuts? Ben is the best damn friend I ever had. Toaster strudel just can’t compare with pop tarts. Winter is the clearest sign of sin I know. The Vikings thought that hell was really really cold. Moving sucks, even if it is just your office. As you near the speed of light, there are two effects, time dilation and length contraction, spanking it at light speed could make it disappear. Was Mr. Clark really cool, or did we just think so because he was the only male teacher in our school. Being a band teacher drives you to drink. Why don’t they have elementary school reunions? I’m tired of being fat, but not enough to do anything about it.

  8. I almost delete this entry this morning. I looked at it after I wrote it and thought, “this is too stupid to publish.” I am glad I left it.

    You just never know what people are going to comment on. LOL

    BTW…thanks Kevin…and Beeker was my awful dog. Bummer was Clyde and Ula Gemini’s dog. He was a great dog. Probably because I was not his owner. Muffin was a close second.

  9. I liked Beeker. He was stupid and he ran away alot, but he had personality. And he liked you alot. Even if he was defective.

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