Blah blah blah

I instinctively cringed when I reread my blog entry from yesterday.  I went to delete it, but Craig had already commented on it.  So I left it.

Let me be clear here.  I hate January and February.  Nothing good happens in these months and they should be stricken from the calendar.  I feel like my head is wrapped in gauze during winter.  Then spring comes and suddenly I am optimistic again.

I have thought of two coping strategies.  Neither is very practical.  1st find a job that requires me and my family to relocate to Australia or Brazil for the North American winter months.  So far, no luck on that front.

Second, take a hint from my bear brethren and sleep through the winter.  While this used to work well except for working hours when I was single, it is not exactly family friendly to stay in bed all day.

Since neither of my coping strategies is practical, I am left to publicly whine on my blog.  You the unfortunate reader of this drivel are the victim of this ineffective method of dealing with my lack of solar exposure.  Be assured that funny Ben will be out again in spring (sometime around Daylight Savings).  Until then, read this crap at your own peril.

You have been warned.

Oh god…Kate Bush is playing on the radio…hide the sharp objects.

By Ben Posted in Life

3 comments on “Blah blah blah

  1. Ok, here are some ideas for coping.
    Every morning, get up, and give yourself a coffee enema.
    Drink a glass of Clamato, pineapple juice and coconut milk mixed with caviar and some cod liver oil. After throwing up, pretend you just had a wild night partying on the beach.

    Rub yourself down with suntan lotion, put on your swim trunks and head in to work. When you’re there, turn on one of those “sunlight lamps” and take your shirt off and get a little sun.
    For lunch have a pina colada or margarita with one of those little umbrellas.
    Drive around with your headlights on bright all the time, just to get that extra dose of light. If you get stopped tell them “Doctor’s orders”
    Order 15 tons of sand and build yourself a beach in the basement. Get one of those tapes that plays the sound of the ocean. Buy some seagulls and put them in there too. Maybe a seal.
    Turn on every single light in the house. Go to bed. Complain about the brightness, but don’t let anybody turn off the lights.
    Have your wife and kid wear only shorts and t-shirts with “Sun your buns” or “Beach bum” on them
    Paint your skin red and complain about the blasted “sunburn”
    Move to Colorado. It’s sunny here.
    Turn to the “Beach boys and Jimmy Buffett” radio station
    Take an idiot coworker and sacrifice them to the Sun god.

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