Evil people will give tech support in the afterlife.


\”Thank you for calling Hell.  We care about your call.  Someone will be with you within the

Millennia.\”  …up town girl…you\’ve been living in your uptown world…

I just ended a 2 hour Verizon tech support rage.  Luckily no puppies were harmed and my DSL is up and running again.

Last night I watched an hour long documentary on cemeteries.  How sad I fall into the demographic of people who watch cemetery documentaries.  I think the documentary was produced solely for me and maybe Craig.

I do not want to be buried.  First of all I hate wearing suits.  Second, what a waste, I basically have to wait for the planet to explode for the matter that is me to get reused.  I think I would make excellent compost.  Then at least I could be useful to a tree.

We have a saying at work, “Only death will release you from PowerFAIDS.”  I kid about it all the time.  But I think they took me seriously.  They installed defibulators on every floor.  I can see it now; I double over in pain, fall to the ground, see the light followed by a big zap.  They tell me to get off the floor and get back to work.  Hopefully I will have the presence of mind to soil myself.  At least then I can take the rest of the day off.

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By Ben Posted in Life

6 comments on “Evil people will give tech support in the afterlife.

  1. As I told a coworker who said something similar around here, I died two years ago. Alcazing, alcazam, a little voodoo, and here I am the undead programmer. Even death does not release people here.

  2. Tell me. I read “Code Complete” for fun. Because God knows nothing says fun like organizational structure in the post-modular programming era.

    BJC

  3. And I actually watched that cemetery documentary. Why? Because nothing says “ghoulish customer service” like the sales pitch of a funeral home or cemetary. Add to “List of Things That Should Not Be Marketed” alongside commercials featuring the words “painful rectal itch” or “not fresh . . . you know . . . down there.”

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